Sunday, May 30, 2010

Waiting

My start date got pushed out until....?? Waiting for the funding to come through. Although everything looks like it's good to go, they are waiting on official funding to give me a new start date.

It's a government position, I am really excited and I am dying. Either way I'm 99% sure I am giving my notice before I have a firm start date. I could be really screwing myself but I'm just done and sometimes you need to just make new things happen. But it's really scary DH just finished school for the semester and is out for the summer. He has a couple of job leads but no job yet. So there is the potential that we could both be out of work w/ no income and a very limited amount of funds to survive on....

But husband asked me today "which one causes you more stress the idea of being out of work or having to continue to work where you are?" Hands down to continue to go to work at the place I'm at now, causes me the most stress. The economy has just sucked so much, but you can only tell yourself "I'm lucky at least I have a job" for so long and still believe it...

Since this more of a rant post anyway, don't holiday weekends suck when you are waiting to find out big job news?

Saturday, May 8, 2010

epilogue


Epilogue or new chapter? I am not sure or as I would say the jury is out (so corny, I know). For the last 8 months or so I have been in a deep depression. I left law school. I didn't even make it through finals. Since then I have been deeply depressed and thinking about what to do next. I HATE my job! I have trying to make the best of it and trying to be grateful that I found it before my Big Law severance ran out. But it sucks! It is the most boring practice area ever! and it's in house so no pro bono work and it is a very punch the clock, talk about how close it is to Friday all week long sort of place. Also being in super conservative corporate land when you want to be in non profit is Hell! People are so conservative & can't keep their traps shut, there is a reason I don't listen to faux news and I don't want to hear that crap at work!

As to why I quit school, so many reasons. I had to admit to myself I was trying to do too much. Any woman who works full-time, has a big commute, attends law school at night and has a young child at home, I truly bow at your feet. The Socratic method caused intense anxiety and flashbacks. It's embarrassing b/c I thought I was strong enough to deal w/ my issues. I think if I had more time to devote to school and if I didn't have to work so much maybe things would have worked out differently but for right now, school is a no go.

I have been contemplating giving up on law entirely. I been thinking about working directly w/ people again in some sort of teaching or social services area. But then I applied on a fluke for a paralegal position in public interest. I NEVER thought I would get it and I am still sort of in shock. I don't have the official offer letter yet but I've been told baring some freak loss of funding the position is mine. Not sure how much I want to share yet but it ain't going to be boring in fact it's probably about as intense and as high stakes as you can get. I haven't given notice to current job yet and my tentative start date is over a month away.

I'm excited and nervous. This is going to be my blank or get off the law job pot.