melt down
already? well sort of, just about the Socratic method. I have had treatment in the past for depression & anxiety. More than shyness I am phobic about public speaking even when I have a script in front of me. One class doesn't do random calling out, others I am hoping to strike an understanding with the professors that I will volunteer instead. One professor though I am going to speak to next week, his class is full on Socratic - I can't sleep, and I am having panic attacks. I missed a day of work and one class already b/c of it. I didn't trust myself to drive, I had gotten so little sleep I was seeing things (not really there) out of the corners of my eye. He strikes me as someone though who is not going to take me seriously. I am just afraid. I don't know that for certain. I have counseling appointment before I am going to talk to him. I have already thought about leaving school, I don't want to. I actually like the work, I like the reading, I like the writing. I don't ever, EVER see myself in court, negotiating, or anything like the traditional lawyer you see on TV. I would be happy to be in an office for hours and hours, just reading, writing and analyzing, or even not practicing and working in more of an administrative capacity, like a directer at non profit.... but we'll see I won't get a chance to talk to Prof. Kingsfield until next week and until then I am suffering, no sleep, stomach problems and chest pains! ugghhhhhh
DO NOT DROP OUT. Give it at least one semester.
C'mon mama. You can do it. You are taking all of the right steps to get a handle on this phobia - a very real, very scary, very debilitating thing. You are not alone in this fear, but you sound like you are unique in your ability to explore new ways to deal with it. You can deal with it, and it's worth it! The most rewarding things are always the most hard, am I right?
Good luck.
G Love said...
August 23, 2009 12:42 PM
I know it's terrifying, and with having an actual phobia, I'm sure it's even worse. But don't give up. What you say in class doesn't matter a damn bit. Some of the people who ended up top of our class sound like complete morons when called on. And some of the most articulate, intelligent-sounding people ended up at the bottom. It just doesn't matter. I was terrified 1L. By 2L, I completely stopped caring. By 3L, I often refused to even give an answer, rather, I just scowled at the professor with that confused "I'm a 3L, why are you calling on me?" stare. Oh, and as a word of advice, the dumber you sound in class, the less likely they are to continue to call on you. :D (I never got called on a single time second semester of Contracts.)
Just think of it as a gauntlet you have to endure, and it will make you stronger by facing some of your most debilitating fears. I was pretty bad myself before grad school, I would actually tremble during public speaking. But with trial by fire, I got better. I still get nervous, but now it's more of a rush than a handicap.
Also, the vast majority of my law school friends were heavily medicated due to issues of anxiety and severe panic attacks. You might check with a physician about anti-anxiety medications like Xanax. It's helped some of my friends tremendously. (I just self-medicated with alcohol.)
Proto Attorney said...
August 23, 2009 3:13 PM
Thanks g love & proto! feeling better this week, besides I can't drop out yet, they would make me give back the loan $$...
lawmom said...
August 26, 2009 9:57 PM
Wow we are similar. I am currently diagnosed with Depression and Acute Anxiety so I know EXACTLY what you are going through. Luckily I am on anxiety medication so that has helped tremendously, but it can be very debilitating in full on socratic classes, especially if you are not 100% sure about what you just read....or even REMEMBER any of it... Good luck and definitely look into taking some sort of medication..not being a pill pusher, just being realistic..
Just Trying said...
September 11, 2009 11:29 AM